How is it possible?

 Life gets so busy sometimes, that when you finally stop to think about things, you are utterly amazed. Since Madeline started school & still attending ballet we're busy 4 days out of the week.. part of my weekend is spent away from the house and so it seems like everything is always moving.. I just sat here tonight thinking about my beautiful daughter and how much she has grown, how far she has come, and the beginning of our lives together. 

I no longer think about our (in my opinion) corrupt adoption agency. I do get tidbits here and there about things going on, and in recent months, I've even been able to read the hundreds of e-mails that once haunted my world.. and be able to laugh them off. I realize that I have come a long way in my heart and the healing process. 

I start thinking about the attachment process and everything we had to go through. How angry and upset our family felt by not being able to as I once called it "pass the sack of potatoes" around. I look in the mirror and I'm proud of the decisions I made... the research I did, and that I went with my gut instinct on everything. 

I think of my once short, chubby, brown eyed sweetheart... and I wonder how it is possible that my baby is now a brave 4-year-old? I drive my sweet girl to school three days a week and I kiss her goodbye, and walk out of the door. I trust someone else with her care (that is huge, because my family will contest to the fact that I don't trust a soul!) I come back to pick her up and she is smiley, happy to see me, and well- cranky and ready to rest. 

I miss her being a baby so much.. but I am so proud of her. so so so proud of her. She is silly, funny, sweet, loving, kind, sassy, bratty, and the total love of my life. I am so thankful to be on the journey of parenting this little soul.. and so eternally grateful that I'm able to watch her blossom and grow... I love you my sweet girl.. always.