Adoption....

This evening I felt rushed.. I had a ton of laundry to get done, my knee is sore- and I need to bring up a huge basket of towels and bedding.. get her fed, bathed, and ready for bed. I quickly bathed her, trying to patiently ignore all of her playfulness and silliness.. and rushed getting her dressed, her bed made, and towels folded. Rush, rush, rush. Even in my head I kept thinking "just enjoy the moment.. don't rush" .....

I asked Madeline which book she would like to read tonight, figuring it would be fancy nancy, or five little monkeys.. instead she said "I want to read the book with the mommy, daddy, and baby." In my head, I knew which she had meant.. but I was surprised at her request. She wanted to read "Over the moon: an adoption tale" - the author, Karen Katz adopted a baby from Guatemala, hence the book.. Madeline doesn't typically bring up adoption related topics, so I'm always surprised when the topic comes up.

Finally, I felt the urgency to rush in my heart, stop. She climbed into my lap and we read the book. I explained just like that baby, she too, had come home on an airplane. I asked .. "Do you understand that you too, grew like a flower in another lady's tummy?" She smiled and assured me that she grew in MY tummy. I explained to her that no.. she did not grow in my tummy, she grew in E's tummy, but she could not take care of her, but that E wanted her to have a Mommy & Daddy.. Madeline seemed pretty ok with this.

But.. can I be real here? The adoption talks are so very difficult! I'm not even going to lie. My whole body stiffens up because I'm SO worried that I'm going to say the wrong thing to her. I need to get better at this.. especially now that she is asking questions. Right now she is just getting the jist of her being born in Guatemala, and coming home on an airplane. She doesn't get that there is a birth mom involved, even though we have talked about her before.

My heart feels a tinge of sadness that I had to tell her "no" about being in my tummy. I'm SO proud of adoption, Guatemala, the whole shebang.. but undoubtedly she is having these 5-year-old talks with the other little girls in her class while they play doll babies during free time.. I need to build her up to be proud - our family is built through adoption.. and that is A-OKAY!

Before bed.. I said "I love you all the way to the moon & back again" .. to which she replies "I love you all the way to the moon and back again.. and Guatemala.. and Disney.. forever and ever and ever and ever and ever" .. Yes my darling, this is forever and ever and ever and ever...