My heart....

As I fed my beautiful daughter dinner tonight watching her laugh (think slow-motion-movie) I felt a pang of sadness in my heart. I think I've been pretty public about my feelings towards her biological mother. I have a deep love for this woman and a sense of eternal gratitude. I know some parents don't feel that way, and maybe outsiders don't understand... I can't explain it myself. Anyway, as I watched Madeline laugh and smile, I felt sadness because her biological mother will never see that smile, or hear that laugh. I know if she had not placed Madeline for adoption, I would not be experiencing the greatest love (aside from my husband's love) of my life..

We're BOTH missing Antigua. I would definitely rather be back in Antigua right now. I'm missing sunny skies, warm weather, and daily walks to the central square. Of course, the only thing that could have made Antigua any better would have been a space heater for night! :) I've also craved chocolate covered Churro's from the G.C mall twice this week!

Madeline is now blowing kisses (so sweet), walking more with assistance, standing better on her own, saying leche and brush, shaking her head yes, and is now "helping" me to feed her with a spoon! She is still sleeping with us (and I tease my husband that she will until she starts Kindergarten.... ) and snuggles right into my side. She wakes up to make sure I am there, and it is comforting to her to have my hand on her. She is also "Daddy Shopping". She must have been very close to her foster-father, which is why she is Daddy-shopping. She must have loved him so much, that she is afraid her Daddy will leave her. Sweet little honey does not understand. She will know how much her foster family loved her- in a few months I will show her their pictures. Right now I think it would be too hard and confusing. Lucky little girl has families in two countries that love her dearly!