Attachment & Poop

In the past few days, I've read an overwhelming amount of posts on attachment all over this great big world called the Internet. I'm shocked to say the least. I'm also a little frustrated that home study social workers and agencies are not prepping families better for the reality of bringing home an older child, and the issues that come with it. I think with international adoptions taking as long as they are, there should be mandatory (yes, mandatory) seminars on coping with attachment.

Now don't for a second think that I'm saying my attachment process with Madeline has been perfect; because it hasn't. We have our ups and downs just as much as the next person. There have been plenty of times where she is freaking out for days on end, and inside, I'm freaking out along with her.. wondering if this is going to be our "new, new". I distinctly remember around Easter, Madeline regressing, and me begging and pleading with God to help me find a way to love this child, if this is what her personality was going to be like from now on. So many times I look back on a situation and think about how I should have handled it.. and learn from my mistakes. I'm constantly trying to improve my parenting - Unfortunately, God did not make me perfect ;)

The main thing I'm reading over and over is... "I, I, I"... Well guess what? It isn't about us. It's not about how exhausted we are, it isn't about how emotionally drained we're feeling, it isn't about us just trying to keep afloat. It's about them and their feelings. These kids have just lost their entire world - they have just been uprooted from everything and everyone they know. They are scared, sad, and confused. Wouldn't you be confused if you woke up tomorrow and lost everyone important in your life?

I was very lucky (if you can even say that...) with Madeline. She was my first and I did not need to handle other children while trying to bond with her. She's done remarkably well, and it's very rare now that she regresses. We still have another eight months before I feel like she'll be more comfortable with us - maybe even attached at that point. That is one thing that many people in my personal life confuse themselves with. She is attached..... physically. Emotionally? No way, at least, not yet. I'm not sure how I will be able to tell when she is... I just have a feeling that I'll know. I see many families confuse a physical attachment with an emotional attachment. The emotional takes so long - they need to learn to trust and love us... that takes a very long time! You just can't wake up in a day and decide you wholeheartedly love and trust someone. It does not work that way.

Anyway, this topic is such a hot button for me. For some, it's politics, for me, it's attachment.

I do have a bit of good news.... Madeline pooped in the potty today. Thank God!