Feliz Dia de las Madres - G*atemala

Today is mother's day in the Mala. Madelines birthmother and foster mother have been in my thoughts all day. Both mothers to my sweet child.. I wonder if *E* is thinking of her today.. if she is missing her.. I wonder if she's okay, if she's healthy, if she is with her children.. I'm also thinking of Kory, our foster madre. I sent her a gift of gourmet chocolates and photo album of Madeline. I hope she enjoyed the surprise, and that she had a wonderful day with her family. Both women are in my heart, as they are in Madelines.

Also, Madeline has been home for FOUR months as of today! Tomorrow will be *19* weeks that we have been a forever family. I can not even remember what life was like before Madeline. I can't believe it's been 19 weeks since the day we got her forever. She is my heart. I could not even fathom a love like this 19 weeks ago. It gets better with each passing day. How is that possible? My mothering is improving all the time - and that is mainly due to two friends that are very near and dear to my heart. They are wonderful mothers to their children, and are inspirations to me and how I want to parent Madeline. So thank you, S&B.

Last Mothers Day, I literally spent the day in bed crying. I was pitiful. I was sad. I was heartbroken. I missed my baby that I was forbidden to see. I had been kicked out of PGN for about three months at this point and continually being lied to by the crap I hired to be my agency. The despair I felt was nothing I had ever felt in my life before. Even though Madeline is home with me this year.. my heart is still sad. My friends Arden (waiting for Sierra - over 2 yrs and Catalina - since August) and Karen (waiting for Noel - who is a week or so older then M...) are without their daughters this Mother's Day. These two women (and many more waiting Mothers....) should not be without their children this weekend. My heart aches for them but I have to believe they will be with their girls soon!

We don't have anything planned for tomorrow, and that's okay. I'm just thankful to have Madeline here.. I will enjoy every second of being a Mom tomorrow with my precious daughter.